Glad.

i never thought i'd be the type of person to wish so strongly for a divorce to be final, for it to be over already so i can revel in the freedom. i never thought i'd be the type of person who would wish that type of pain on anyone. a part of me is appalled that i feel that way but the bigger part of me is so fucking relieved it's happening. i'm glad the marriage is over. i'm glad.

maybe that makes me a bad person.

i can't block it out, though. i keep thinking, 'finally'.

fucking finally.

Depth -- 100 Words

This week's word prompt from Velvet Verbosity is Depth. Here's my submission:

She Will Be Her Own Hero

She is out of money, out of time, out of her depth, and most certainly out of character. How do people do this? How do they start over and mean it?

Desperate times call for desperate measures, she's learned.

After what seems a lifetime of uncertainty, the slippery slope that was leading her towards the dark unknown has begun to provide a bit of traction for her well-worn shoes. Maybe, by moving determinedly, just maybe she'll gain a bit of a foothold in this new beginning. She wants to control her destiny. She has no faith in fate. Not anymore.

Perfectionism - 100 Words

This week's 100 Words prompt is perfectionism. I have opted to use perfection instead. Here goes:

Mostly unobtainable, except...

While human beings always strive for perfection, it is rarely obtainable – no matter how hard we try. But every once in a while, something special comes along to challenge the status-quo. We are gathered here in witness to - and in celebration of - one such example of near-perfection. They started out with next to nothing and built an empire of family out of their astonishing love and blind faith in each other. They are my ideal of obtainable perfection, and I strive to learn from their example. So, to Mom and Dad and their 45 years together. Cheers!

Chasm - 100 Words

Finally! After a bit of a hiatus, I have a 100 Words entry. Here's my entry for the prompt 'chasm':

Starting on His Bucket List

Fourteen days ago, he decided to sell as many of his belongings as possible, to donate what was left, and to hit the road. The thrilling part of this whole thing, to him anyway, is that he has no idea where he is going yet. He will let a map of the Americas and a dart be his guide. He isn't picky, he just wants to experience everything he can on this, his Best Adventure. And if it just so happens that his route takes him over a chasm or two...well, he might finally try his hand at base jumping.

A Step Forward (I think)

Today I stood on the shore of Lake Superior.

I watched the waves tumble the rocks into the sand. I marveled at how many rocks there were and wondered how long it had taken the lake to smooth out the stones' rough edges. I wondered what it would take to smooth my rough edges.

Today I stood on the shore of Lake Superior in the rain and the drizzle and did my damnedest to let the anger go.

I ended up walking the shore for a couple of hours.

I felt better.

I feel better.

Thank you, Lake Superior.

A non-100 words post

It's been about three weeks since I've posted anything. Long gaps between posts was not my intention when I started this blog. But, I find I'm in a really dark place emotionally right now so I've been skipping the 100-words posts. (Anger, anyone? I've got plenty to spare.) My 100 Words would be all angst, darkness, and I'm-gonna-smack-a-fool, anyway, so I figured I'd spare you that torment. I've done my best to write it down but I've kept it private. There's only so much "I got dumped" that I can share with others before I get sick of myself, you know?

Anyway.

I've been reading a lot and spending as much time with friends and away from home as possible. For the first time in months, I've picked up my knitting needles. Is this a sign that I'm beginning to let go of the anger? God, I hope. I hate being pissed off all the time. I'm normally quick to smile and greet anyone I meet. Now, I'm all about dagger-eyes and back-off body language. I hate it.

I do have a road trip planned for a few days the first week of May. I can't believe how much I'm looking forward to it. No responsibilities except getting to the places I want to go. (I'm going here, for sure.) I've signed myself up for CouchSurfing.org and I am meeting a fellow couch surfer while I'm in the UP. I'm not brave enough yet to request a stay on his couch, but he's agreed to meet for cocktails one evening. So that's good, right? Meeting new people, I mean.

Hopefully I'll be back to 100-Words soon. 

Voice - 100 Words

This week's 100 Words prompt is voice. Here's my submission:

Sunday

She calls him every Sunday.

She tells him how the kids are doing, about her job, about the people she saw. The way she starts sentences with did you know... twists the knife that is the colossal mistake of his life (what a mess) that much more.

She doesn't come right out and say that they miss him. More than likely, she wants to throttle him and will likely want to for the rest of their lives. He can deal with that.

As long as she doesn't leave him.

And as long as he can hear her voice every Sunday.