Sunday, March 18, 2012

The day after

I've found that some days just turn out better than I ever expected them to.Yesterday was one of those days. I spent the day in the company of friends I don't get to see often and enjoyed every moment of it.

We started our day at 9 a.m. with a breakfast of Lucky Charms and espresso stout, and it only improved from there. It ended about 10 p.m. after a dinner of grilled chicken, asparagus, and Bloody Marys.

And the sun shone all day!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Good.

It’s good. It’s all good. And it is scaring the crap out of me because it’s like we’ve not been apart for 20 years and he’s not free to be mine yet and there’s no telling how long his divorce is going to drag out and he appears to be the same sweet guy he was way back then but there’s an edge of bitterness to him now that breaks my frickin’ heart. (ok. I’m breathing now.) We talked about his kids. There’s still a lot left to talk about in that regard. We’ve talked about serious shit and shit that doesn’t matter at all. All I know is that I want to spend more time with him. Lots and lots of time. I want to know if he’s the same sweet guy he was back then…not just speculate about it.

I’m glad he tracked me down (so very, very glad) but at the moment, I can't help but think it might have been better for my sanity if he would’ve waited until after the papers were signed.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

That smell - 100 Words, plus 106.

I've heard that smell is one of the strongest sense triggers of memories. I scoffed at the idea of this. How in the world could smell trigger memories? Memories are visions. I remember distinctly the color of the sky on that day in '77 when the world turned green during that storm, but I don't remember the smell of the rain. I remember the sunlight bouncing off my brother's hair as we played in the pool on hot summer days in '84, but I don't remember the smell of the chlorine. I remember the look on my best friend's face when she told me in '01 that she was pregnant but I don't remember the smell of the lunch we were eating. Tonight, science was proved right: the smells trigger the memories, the memories don't trigger phantom smells.

I buried my nose in his neck for the first time in 20 years this evening and I was instantly 19 again. He smelled exactly the same and the sweetness of the memories that flooded through me brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to stay there, in his arms, in a public parking lot no less, for hours and just breathe him in.

Christ, I've missed him.